Wiggles and giggles

So...I know it's been awhile, and NO it's not because I've become famous for my outrageous witty rants and have decided to create a best-seller ;) (one could wish though, right?!?) the truth is...Brad and I are new homeowners! We close on our first home in less than 2 weeks. So, needless to say, we have been packing away....And leeeeet me tell you what, There's nothing harder than having to get an entire house packed up (since my husband travels for 95% of his job) while trying to keep a 5 month old, going on 2 year old, busy! She has been sitting since before she was 5 mos, but now does it all the time. In fact, I don't know how that sweet baby doesn't have a dang six pack! She practically does V sit-ups (for those of you who are trying to picture this- legs are straight out and raised off the ground, as is your head and shoulders....you're trying it right now, aren't you?!? ;) ) She is determined to go from laying to sitting up!!! She'll lean backwards over her boppy (my auto correct keeps trying to change that word to nippy! Ha it's MY nippy and she can't lean backwards over THAT) her head Will be touching the ground and then she's back up and leaning over sideways touching everything in her path! I use the boppy because I'm paranoid! she will face plant every so often when she's really trying to get something out of reach (we all do this, metaphorically or in my case more times than not..literally) :)
I know we discussed that lovely "wandering hand" when she nurses. It has now found my face. The newest place...UP my nose! (Don't worry, I told her about picking her friends and picking her nose, but not picking her friends nose....and the same applies to moms!!)
She talks non stop. Loves politics- she was glued for over 5 minutes to the vice presidential debate. She laughed at them too. Not sure whether it was Biden's teeth or Ryan's nose, but something was awfully funny to her! She does a fake cough and it will lead into a laugh. caugh? Lough? Its TOO cute.
We have almost conquered rolling from back to belly ( the girl loves cardboard and paper...Christmas just got a looooot cheaper :) ) those incentivize her. Sophie the giraffe (who the hell thought of using a squeaky toy as a teething aid?!? I bet they're sitting nice and comfy chillin somewhere laughing at all of us moms with their $20 dog toy marketed for babies!) she loves it though. Anything that makes noise including my mouth! I'm sure people think I'm insane or belong on the american idol out takes (you know the ones you watch, and laugh at..yeah, those!) she just loves music and when people talk to her. She'll talk back too (she doesn't want to be rude and let's not forget she's a girl...what girl doesn't like to talk?) I remember getting in trouble for it in grade school on a regular basis (once I hit 5th grade, it was putting on Chapstick too often..I guess my teacher felt soft lips didn't take precedence over algebra...she clearly didn't appreciate beauty!) Harper appreciates beauty though... she loves her bows (I just wish they didn't leave indentions!) She doesn't pull them out. She loves her color coordinated pacifiers (no i don't call it a passy, binky, nuk, or whatever else they can be called. They are just plain ole soothie pacifiers.) She chews on them like crazy (hello teething!) She is just learning and growing a mile a minute. The best thing is she studies every move I make for longer periods of time (I wish I was that patient...when someone tries to teach me something, I'm over it a minute later.) she will watch when I wave to her in a mirror and move her fingers like she's trying to figure it out. I know every mom says it, but I have the cutest lil 5 month old little girl, I swear!!! Even though I have to resort to ridiculous tactics to make her smile...her wiggles and giggles make it worth it!!! :) I will look crazy (willingly) any day, just to see that gummy little toothless (hopefully not for long) grin! :)

My real life Broadway- Pitch? Please!

Well the party has started...hello teething! Some days I wish my life were more like a broadway musical (you have an issue or problem and all of a sudden out of nowhere everyone around you breaks into song and dance and by the end that magical life changing epiphany has arrived changing the plot for the better so they all live happily ever after)Just replace the catchy song about love or life into some vague resemblance of jibberish about, well, nothing except momentary child entertainment. Oh, and substitute the perfectly "dressed-to-the-nine" (whatever that really means) leading lady with perfect hair and make up...with a spit up stained t shirt, a medusa reminiscent pony tail and yesterday's mascara complimenting those lovely circles becoming more apparent under your blood-shot eyes (okay, okay, okay- maybe that's a biiiiiit dramatic, but you should know this about me by now!). Don't get me wrong, I like to pretend that my rendition of twinkle twinkle little star would turn Blake Shelton and Adam Levines chair around :)...oops sorry, I got a bit distracted. A girl can dream, right?!? ;) now where was I?!? ahhhh yes, but really, there should be a broadway musical about parenthood! Funny stuff happens ALL the time. Just the other day I thought to myself (I know, a lot of crazy stuff goes on up there!) "geeez, I'm glad we don't have a nanny cam otherwise my husband might put me on the midnight train to the looney bin." The things we do to keep our kids happy...I sing, dance, gurgle, jump, tickle...and sometimes all together. Granted my moves resemble a ridiculous broken down robot and my songs are made up versions of what we are doing.(I feel as though my best friend Chelsea may be the only one who really understands that is normal for me!) :)I grab my daughters arms and make her dance while singing lord knows what pops into my head. I also like to sit her in my lap when I'm watching whatever singing show is on (The Voice, Glee and The Sing Off are my all-time faves, but I legitimately watch them all!) and sit there acting as though I could do a better job at singing their song...I even get my Mariah Carey fingers going when I get my "runs" on! (Of course she loves this, and it gets better) I then take it a step further, and during commercials I will decide what hypothetical song I would sing and who I would choose if the judges turned around. My lovely daughter hears me sing AT LEAST 10 random songs during a show. Her favorite (I swear I'm not lying) was Cee Lo Green's "Forget You". Not only do I sing, but I make her dance interpretively (yep, mom of the year...right here!) :) she finds it hilarious (I realize at this point I am officially lost, and am waiting for my inner GPS to recalculate my route to get me back on track to where I was originally going with this...I blame Blake and Adam!) oh yeah..broadway. So, life is a lot easier when it takes place on a stage, with people who dress you and do your hair/makeup without you lifting a finger. It's full of music and a plot that almost never ends badly for the main character. Im going to go to New York and pitch my idea...I'll even let them use my blog name as the title (for a small fortune of course- mama needs some new clothes- refer to my earlier blog!) :) teething has led me to bust out my inner crazy,we will have a chat about my public instances in another rant. Right now, my daughter thinks i have the voice that has that X factor and could sing off with glee at any point in time to be an American idol! (BAM- oh yeah that just happened!) she would turn her chair
around, buy a broadway ticket, promote my playbill because let's face it...I AM her idol and even if I have pitch problems or horrendous choreography, in her eyes it's the BEST! I will take looking and sounding ridiculous for that ANY day. For real...Pitch? Please! :)

Lease (with NO option) to own!

So...we all know that "breast feeding is supposed to help you lose weight." I don't know how much of that I buy. I breast feed, my friend pumped and quickly switched to formula because her milk went away--we both lost all of our pregnancy weight and then some (okay okay, that may have been bragging sllllllightly-my bad!) we got lucky- I am very aware. The downside to my boob feeding tubes involve my having to eliminate dairy. Now THAT is why I believe I have lost weight...I can't eat anything fun anymore! No Ice cream or butter or cheese or milk- zeeeeeeero fun! (easy there tiger- it sucks, but its totally worth it.) The upside to my milk jugs- is just that...they're jugs, not sippy cups! ( I know, clever!) I can honestly say I went from maaaaybe on a good day- barely a B to a full D. I look at myself in the mirror and think ahhhh so THIS is what I would look like If I really had boobs! I stand up a little taller, feel comfortable wearing bras without padding- its like I'm a new woman! My husband definitely doesn't mind( minus my "look but don't touch" policy.) i feel like things fit better. I know they say 80% of women don't wear the correct size. It took Harper spitting up inside my nursing bra (yep! Disgustingly true) and the lady I babysit for (works for Wacoal) to make me go get measured. So for the next however many months I am blessed with the ability to nurse- my girls will be relaxing in their Nice comfy new 36D home. They have been upgraded (it's about time- sorry ladies) from the old B of a home. Its kinda like trying to squeeze your post preggo body into your Pre-preggo clothes. You may be able to get it on, but the overflow is gonna look trashier than Here Comes Honey Boo Boo ( dont get me wrong- I watch the show AND enjoy it...don't ask me why though!) :) What it boils down to is I am gonna enjoy these puppies while I got Em! Gotta love the perks (you betcher aunt fanny, pun intended- these girls are staying north!) of nursing. :)

Goodnight. Sleep light!

So as a new mom, I look forward to adult time.(as I tell my husband while I proceed to talk his ear off-- I talk to a 4 mos old all day...momma needs some big girl time!) this will typically happen once she goes to bed. She used to go to bed about 11:30 (I'm a night owl, and a a stay at home mom, so what do I care?) YES I would allow her to be up that late- (any judgmental people can try convincing her 7 is the new 11:30!) now for the last few weeks I've been able to put her to bed earlier, we have our routine. Bath, sing/story, nurse/rock, up to bed and if she's not already asleep, she falls asleep shortly after. DUN DUN DUN *and the plot thickens* She has GOT to be the lightest sleeper ever! Well...to an extent. For instance...she experienced Sunday Funday in full effect today while napping... there was screaming, arguing, cheering and smack talking (louder than a group of 12 year old girls at a Justin Bieber concert) She was not phased OooOooOoone bit! But boy oh boy, the moment someone cracked a beer- her eyes SHOT open. (they quickly closed) so this means 1 of 2 things: 1. My daughter is going to drink like a fish or 2. She's used to loud voices since she's been hearing them plus the TV since she was in the womb. Im hoping for the latter. The other thing that made her stir? The foot rest being put down in a recliner! SMH Gotta love the fact that she could sleep through a tornado, but pop a top and you've made yourself a lap partner until the next milk coma! I typically turn On noise machines, but sometimes you can't control everything (altho I'm DESTINED to prove this theory wrong....and I'm gonna do it! If you don't believe me, just ask me!) ;) OH and who is it who decided that babies should nap 1-2 times at her age from 1-3 hours?!? My child takes power naps. 15 mins here, 30 mins there. She may go to bed at 9pm NOW but still wakes up aaaaaat least 2-3 times to eat. By 6 months- the baby whisperers (I say this bc no one lives this dream- and if you do, you deserve this title!) claims that they should be sleeping 12 hours straight. What? Will my child magically wake up one morning and decide that she needs more beauty rest?!? Those online charts and "I know best" information is enough to drive a new mom maaaaaad! Just because your child doesn't fit their "cookie cutter" age chart, doesn't mean there is anything wrong (every kid is different- and If they weren't: trying to pick your child out of a crowd might be slightly awkward)! So whatever you do- even if you are sleep deprived and in desperate need of a permanent coffee IV...please don't Google things! Your child is not having night terrors (I doubt labor was THAT traumatic), they do not have any sort of disease or condition that causes sleeplessness and more than likely, it's just a phase! As a mom it's our job to worry, but know more times than not...they will be OK! :) If not, just sleep with one eye open at all times-new moms kinda live like zombies (minus the whole addicted to bath salts and eat someone's face thing) we like bath salts in our hot water after a long day and when we say "your cheeks are so cute, I just wanna eat you up"yeah... Totally not the bath salts talking, and we don't mean literally eat them up. Okay, kinda got off topic there but I know you're still with me (and probably thinking..."yeah...I guess she's right, sleeping...eating faces...uhhhhh") this brings me to my last and final point- its hard to understand how hard it is to be needed 24/7. It's almost like you never really fall asleep- so those 3-4 hours of straight uninterrupted sleep you got, feel more like 2- cuz at any point in time, your child could make a sound. If they do, I would be willing to put money (and I DO NOT bet!) you would wake up in a split second, fumble for your superwoman cape and use your go-go gadget arms to take care of business! As a matter of fact, I'm totally there- until next time-goodnight and sleep light (yeah yeah yeah- I don't even need to say it--it's like you know me already) ;)

The Thunder Down Under

Everybody knows their child (or we like to think we have googled their instruction manual and bookmarked it for future references) the fact is- sometimes, you just have to expect the unexpected. I've come to realize a few things over the last few days... My first realization: there IS a downside to the oh-so-wonderful nursing cover (or hooter hider, apron, blanket with a neck strap...or whatever you call it) they are great and come in super handy. Back in the day moms were shunned to rooms by them self or bathrooms for however long it took to feed their child. Now, you have this glorious cover that allows you to not be alienated for what seems like an eternity. (we all love our little ones, but when ya spend all day with them, and they eat every 3-4 hours, you NEED all the adult interaction you can get!) now with the cover, you can feed your child practically anywhere. I have found a few downsides to them...3 things make it awkward. 1. When it's time to switch sides and they need to burp in between. You're left with trying to fumble with your nursing bra clasp, pulling up your shirt, while trying to stay covered (all one handed while racing to grab the burp cloth, because if you're not fast enough, you will be wearing your babies lunch!) Now, practice makes perfect...it's becomes easier the more you do it, but then the curve balls start coming! This brings me to my next point. 2. Now that you have the one handed juggling act down, your child has discovered his/her hands. While they are feeding, they take the liberty of running their hands over every single inch that is within their reach- guess what this includes?!? Yep! Your nursing cover... Now you're trying to play defense against your CHILD exposing you (yes peek-a-boo is cute, but I'm preeeeeeetty sure the world doesn't need to see what mama's workin' with!) It's like trying to wrestle a mini ninja whose mission is to expose you by any means necessary. One of which is my last point. 3. GAS! You know, those cute little "toots" that make us smile because our babies are adorable?!? Yeeeeah. I can honestly say until recently, I've never been "Dutch ovened" or anything vaguely resembling it. Think about it...you have a cover, that has a gap up top in order to see your child. My daughter has the woooorst gas ever..( "oh myyyy gosh! Was that her?!?"..."YEP!"). I swear she is her father's child (Ladies don't do that! ;) ) ......and how is it something SO cute and only drinks milk can produce something SO horrendous?!? I mean...that crap can clear a room (yeeeeah, couldn't help myself- pun definitely intended) :) the worst part is when you are nursing, that wafts right up thru that gap and it's like your child waits until this point just to laugh at your expense...you think they're smiling because they have gas- fact! But wait...there's more! Thats only a half-truth. They're really smiling because they have gas, it's gonna smell like big foot ate a rotten trash can and pooped it out, and not only can they get away with it...but people actually think its cute! Heck, I'd smile too! Next time I need to pass gas, I'm just gonna blame it on my kid! Why not? No bellyache, and it's WAY less embarrassing! :) ha! Okay, okay, okay. Maaaaybe not...but you know that thought has crossed your mind (I can totally see that smile!) maybe passing gas should be more acceptable in public. It's loud, can be dangerous (this one applies to men and their shart comings...haha, sorry, couldn't help myself again) and people are scared (well of the repercussions of getting caught) Just like spit, shi...err toots happen! :)*GASp* it's gonna happen inside a nursing cover or not. As long as its not strong enough to blow off the nursing cover to expose-a zee boo-bee I believe that is all and no #4 is necessary! Until then (hopefully not) enjoy life's little blessings! (I'm talking about your kid, not gas- get that crap outta your head--MAN, it's too easy... this post is just too punny I can't contain myself!) :)

All the early bird gets...is sleep deprivation!

We all remember those Pre-kids/responsibility/obligation days...you know, the ones where you can stay up until 2am, go to sleep with your makeup on, then get up 5 hours later, drink a redbull and do it all over again?(looking like a million bucks, because 2 hours on hair and makeup is totally necessary!) Now, I stay up until12:30, wake up at 6, roll outta bed with spit up, behead, bags under my eyes and the patience of a two year old! If you were a fly on my wall, I might be mistaken for a zombie (minus the bath salt addiction and face eating of course). Getting older is hard! I don't have the time to spend doing my hair and makeup the way I used to... And even if i dress up, thats when they get you good with the spit up (or if you've done your hair and its down/in the line if fire...it's inevitable)! It's even harder when you have friends who don't understand what it's like to have to Go-go-go all the time, and how your priority now does not exist in the bottom of a shiny metal can with blue mountains, but in the smiley face looking up at you. (and I'm not talking about anyone in particular, I'm just watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager) I have NO idea how mothers to young children can go party all the time, or have SO much energy (and I'm sure you are thinking of certain people right now...it's okay, there's no judgement here.) :) heck, I made it to12:45 and was looking for my trophy on the back of my eyelids (yes, that was indeed a cheesy reference to dozing off). What happened is this...about the time responsibility entered stage left, partying exited stage right. I don't feel the need to drink to get naked wasted face, or get belligerently drunk..why?!? Because when it's all said and done, that adorable little face you've come to know and love that just melts your heart a million degrees into Sunday- will not only be needing you, but you can bet your bottom dollar that is the day they will wake up earlier than they normally do, be crankier than they've ever been, or talk louder than they've ever talked! With this said- I'm operating on 5 hours of sleep due to"attempting" to play beer pong and "a-hole" with a group of friends last night. I was never drunk, or even buzzing. Let's just say I spent more time with my fellow new mommy, Tori and our little girls playing slumber party (they obviously did not get the memo you sleep at the same time at them) than playing with our friends and husbands. The best realization?!?! You can be a mommy WITH party pants. They just might be a little bigger and a helluva lot more flexible....cuz spit happens!!! ;)

Not So Fast Food!

After a loooooooooooooooooo*breath*oooooooooooooooong day :), you know...the one full of non-stop working, entertaining, cooking, cleaning, laundry, singing, bouncing, dancing backwards in high heels while juggling a million things (one of which is a baby) you don't have enough fingers or toes..let alone arms and legs to accomplish everything life throws at you.(yes I know,longest.sentence.ever.) After the go-go-go you just want to sit down and enjoy a hot meal.(if you are like me, this means cook it, clean the kitchen, help get your husband And child situated, then back to the kitchen to make a plate) I can already see that smirk, so scratch the hot and replace it with maybe sorta kinda still warm. You nuke your food (don't worry, it's gonna get fun here in a sec) go sit down and BAM! It's like your child is Haley Joel Osmond (yes, I'm referring to that kid who sees dead people in 6th sense) and KNOWS you have food, so they start to fuss, but not just any fuss...like a loud thunderstorm meets running over the family dog and bubble guppies was cancelled, plus she feels like she may have found the bubble guppies living inside her intestines and WANTS THEM OUT....kinda crying (sorry, lil intense I know)...So you set your stuff down and soothe her. By the time she is calm, you go nuke your now sub zero food yet again...guess what?!? Ding ding ding- round two! Lather, rinse, repeat! Here we go again. (I could keep going, but I imagine you get the point!) :)How do they know?!?! It's crazy!! All I want to do is enjoy dinner with my husband while it's hot. Is that too much to ask?!? Bottom line is this: your clothes don't fit, you lose all your hair (or it sure feels like it) and cold becomes the new hot. Whats next?!?(wait a sec...pretend I didn't just ask that!) Besides, who invented this hot and cold business...and why did they decide hot food needed to exist?!? Okay okay, maybe thats a bit extreme but It makes things more difficult (I [used to] love my food piping hot) now I enjoy it cold or re-re-re-reheated (and no, I do not stutter :) ) Here's my solution: Someone needs to create a microwave that reheats food without losing moisture or overcooking it. Then Moms everywhere could enjoy a long overdue HOT meal! First one to create one gets a sticker or a cookie (I just might even re-re-re-reheat it for ya! ;) ) Just food for thought. (yeeeep, couldn't help myself...pun intended!) :)

The Hairy Aftermath of Pregnancy

When you first find out you're pregnant, you look forward to a few things: that "glow" that everyone always talks about, the ability to eat what you want (not eating for two, but you don't feel guilty when you decide to go back for seconds :)) the absence of that pesky friend we are so used seeing once a month(yeah, enjoy your temporary vacation Flo- your services are temporarily suspended) and the fact your hair will grow and look amazing(long, strong, shiny- if only we could hire someone to walk in front of us with a fan- it looks THAT good)! Boy did I NOT miss the hair all over my floor and in my drain. I went from washing my hair twice a week to only once!(no, I'm not a hippie tree hugger extremist who refuses to shower- I just don't need to wash it that often! I know I know- cue jealousy)
The fact of the matter is, after pregnancy, you are gonna lose all that hair, that hung on for dear life, faster than you can say supercalafradulisticexpialadocious . (yeeeeah, that word it MUCH easier to attempt to say than attempt to spell- and I use the term attempt loosely...that's a hard word and I didn't feel like googling it!)
When I brush my hair- it looks like I am a giant hair murderer with the victims lying all over the floor. The worst part is I find my hair all over my little girl (neck, hands, toes, etc)- and she's shedding as bad as I am! We are a HOT MESS!!!! I keep thinking I'm going to go bald, and the picture I have here is JUST from when I showered this morning and washed my hair...if Barbies needed wigs- I'm pretty sure I could supply them on a regular basis. They say duct tape fixes everything....and to rub a little tussin on it. At this stage in the game, I don't know that I'm ruling anything out. The other thing that worries Me is this: I like to think each hair has 9 lives. Once it's fallen out so many times, the color goes on strike and therefore grows in grey. What if this is the 9th life fir those hairs and all of this hair comes in grey?!?! Ahhhhhh!!! I have enough as is and don't need any help thank-you-very-much! I might need to invest in nice and easy stock at this rate!
The bottom line is this: whatever disappears during pregnancy, rears it's ugly head and then some once it's done. So embrace your lovely locks,while those hormones are still in full force...and if I need a hair transplant, I'll make sure to let you know where to send the donations. (Of money, not hair- that'd be a little weird, and creepy.) Have a hairy great (yep I just went there...you know how I roll) and happy day, full of great hair! (I'll keep my fingers crossed I keep my hair in my head-well have a good talk, Ill lay down the law and work things out) I'm over this hairy situation (and typing) !!! :) Now where's the duct tape and tussin?!? :)

The inconvenience of convenience stores

With as lazy as people have become nowadays (I'm not excluding myself here) you would think all convenient stores would offer a drive thru! I mean, think about it...you can get fast food, sodas, coffee, doughnuts and prescriptions through a drive thru, why not go just a liiiiiiiiitttle bit further and offer things sold at gas stations and convenient stores through a drive-thru. I know they exist, but it should be standard!!! I don't know about anyone else, but having a kid makes you think twice about evvvvvverything! Do I really want that QT coffee and a snickers bar? Hmmm...balancing hot coffee, doughnuts, a snickers bar, cheetoes, soda, doughnut holes (you KNOW just as well as I do the convenient store is the same as the grocery store or Walmart...you always come out with more than you went in for!) gum, juice AND all while carrying a kid! Yeah...Im not a circus performer...I don't have a red nose, or a beard, and juggling is definitely not something I do well (clean up on aisle 5!) it gets even more interesting with me getting beer for the guys. The other day I stopped to get beer for my husband and his friend. In my head I thought, if only it was legal to leave her in the car (...before you start judging, I have remote start and I would lock my car!) :) we all know the world is full of crazies, and they ruin the simple life for everyone!!! I haul in my 30lbs of baby (16lbs plus the carseat) go get two 12 packs and stand at the back of the line (all men btw) who proceed to not only look at me but no one and I mean noooooo ooonnnnnne offers to let me go ahead of them. Instead the gentleman in front of me looks at me and asks: "long day?"(insinuating I needed a day of drunken debauchery based on my arm[not just hand]fulls) :) now those who know me (or my husband) knows we live for opportunities like this....so I respond with a big smile on my face: "Nope, she told me she was thirsty!" He looked at me like I was serious. SMH :) when did people lose their sense of humor when other people come back with quick witted responses.(I may be a girl and blonde...well kind of...but I'll give it right back, sir!) I followed it up with letting the guy know I was the beer run person. I remarked about how I was the nice wife lugging everything, so he should be thankful. The guy simply agreed and then turned back around. Psssshhhhh, mmmkay...What ever happened to chivalry?! Bottom line is, having a small child (although it keeps my gas station food addiction at bay and shopping minimized) makes me want to write QT a well worded letter to suggest an option that could change our lives as moms as we know it!!! (and anybody who didn't feel like walking into the gas station) If you can go to school, go shopping and get food, all while in your pajamas...why not beer and candy bars?!? (and energy drinks too) Food for thought. (yep, you guessed right... pun intended)

Mosquit-oh-no!

I find myself wondering why some things exist in this world. (Bad breath, spleens, Nap-free work days) What is the point? Last night I found myself wondering: what is the flipping point to mosquitoes? IS there really an upside to them? C'mon- the are tiny little blood sucking pests whose necessity to feed, makes people red, itchy and annoyed!!!! Spiders, as much as I LOATHE them, eat things like flies. So, I think twice before taking my old navy flip flop from my closet and ending their reign of terror (yeah...you heard me, reign.of. terror) OH, I think I forgot to mention, I do nooooot do bugs :) I sometimes feel like they go out of their way to taunt me...as if they are saying "we are here and when you go to sleep we will find you..we know where you sleep!" okay okay okay, that may border a TAD on the dramatic side, but you get my point! Now that we have that out of the way, we can move forward....get excited! :) Let's face it, when you have been bogged down with 100+ heat...we will even say 90+ heat, and you live in a place where farming is a way of life for some, Luke Bryan says it best: "Rain is a good thing." It is "My kind of party" (I know I know, country artist overkill, but I just couldn't pass up plugging 2 of my favorites) when the rain cools things off and gives crops that million dollar gulp they have been longing for... HOWEVER, I think those nasty little insects are party crashers, because BOY they sure show up uninvited every time. Then (as most moms can attest to) you are left with the inner struggle to cover your child as best as possible (even if you feel like you are creating a wittle bitty baby sauna), or to try and fend off mosquitoes with your cat-like speedy reflexes. I tell you what.. I covered my princess up last night and the ONLY body part out was her sweet little face (I am not biased at all) and one hand, which was up by her sweet little face. Now I like to think I channel a super stealth ninja when it comes to protecting my daughter, but have learned that perhaps that ninja may just be a middle aged woman :) (Yuck! I think I just threw up a little in my mouth even typing that realization about myself..middle aged....SMH!) I leave our friends house simply thinking my daughter had laid down on my zipper from my jacket since she had some red marks on her face and felt pretty bad- I'm not gonna lie. . I get her home to give her a bath, and of course she doesn't care- she's just happy, eating her hands and yelling at herself (yep...yelling, she has not only found her voice, but located the volume button and is testing those bad boy lungs out!) but I notice those few red spots, are still there. UGH! mosquito bites...on her face and hand. Not to mention I have about 36753652 bites(as my Memaw says: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times....don't exaggerate!") on my arms and hands. So not only am I red and itchy, but it looks like I have some sort of flesh eating disease that I have contracted and given my poor 3 month old daughter. Good thing kids are resilient. She is unscathed and smiley as ever, and in that moment she melts my heart and I forget about EVIL MOSQUITOES. So...someone, anyone...what is it they contribute to our planet that makes them worthy of existing? This question is lost on me...So mosquitoes, consider this your warning. If you mess with my daughter again, using her face as your own personalized snack platter, be pre"pair"ed to meet my flip flops! (pun intended) :)

Clothing woes: Infants and Post Preggo Wardrobe Festivities

We all knows kids grow like weeds. In the beginning, you buy clothes about as often as you do groceries. It seems like your child too often outgrows their size in clothing before your milk has even reached its expiration date! My little Princess is about to be 4 months old, and I have decided that infant clothing sizes are ridic!!! When you think about it: if you say "My 4 month old is in 6 mos clothing", your reaction is "Wow! He/she is so big!" or "What a chunker." You then are faced with the inner struggle of "Did they just call my baby fat?" (even though you call them various versions of "chunky" all the time) versus "Heck yeah, My kid's a good eater, and is growing like a champ!" (you provide for your child, and its like 2 guys at the gym trying to see who can put on the most healthy weight). Clothing designers try to make more versatile and relevant clothing: EX: 0-3 mos or 3-6 mos clothing...which works to an extent, but in all reality most are labeled like women's clothing (in increments), they aren't always 3 mos/6 mos/9 mos etc, and what other option is there?!? LOL Therefore I have decided that infants' clothes sizing is like an expiration date...good up until the month on the tag. They should just put max length and weight on tags instead. Pounds x Inches (16W x 26L). Also, what genius decided bathing suits in popular department stores don't need snaps??? They OBVIOUSLY have never tried to get a wiggly baby out of a wet 1 piece bathing suit. I think I should just design my own infant clothing line with my solutions! :) enough about the little ones- even though they are where our shopping fund goes to these days. Every once in awhile, us moms like to look nice (which means take a shower, shave our legs, wear a shirt without spit up on it and put on clothing without an elastic waistband)...this brings me to my next rant..well...within a rant :)
Moms- "It took you 40 weeks to grow that belly, and its common knowledge that it does not disappear when the baby pops out!" We have ALL heard this (as much as we hope to defy the odds and prove everyone wrong). You are left with a work in progress and a weird in-between stage as far as clothing is concerned. SO.... My biggest complaint- finding clothes to wear post pregnancy. I KNOW you can wear maternity clothes (and believe me, I took full advantage of this- especially since I had a C-Section) but when you breastfeed, you tend to lose weight a little quicker. This unfortunately leaves you at that awkward stage where you don't fit into your old clothing, but maternity clothing fits you weird too. I still indulge and wear my maternity pants- the full panel helps with all of that "please excuse my mess-renovation in progress" going on, but your "girlish figure" is lost in the process. My husband made the comment that I "lost my butt". Hormone changes? Insecurity? Not sure why it bothered me as much as it did, but I felt almost offended that he would say such a thing! The truth: when you don't have a big ole belly, the fabric doesn't stretch and you are left with saggy butt material syndrome (yes, I made that up...we are rolling with it though). This brings me to my point- why can't someone make "in-between" clothing...For moms AND infants? There needs to be pants that accommodate the aftermath of bearing a child, without the "maternity" label. Every mom wants to get back into their old clothes, but trying stuff on after such a dramatic change is discouraging. So....
Let's start a clothing line for all of those "in-betweeners"...whatdya say?!? :) Okay...maybe in my dreams, but seriously...there's a market for something like that!! If you make it happen, I will only charge you a SMALL finders fee ;)

Bumbo Recall...

You gotta love baby gear... I mean, you look at some of the stuff they have out now and think "Dang! If only I would've thought of that!" Granted- sometimes there are kinks to need to be worked out of a product..but at what point do you realize that perhaps it's not the product, but the operator the kinks need to be worked out of?!?! Now to my point :) --> This whole Bumbo recall thing is ridic! There are warnings printed all over the gosh darn thing TELLING YOU IN CAPITAL LETTERS- do NOT leave your child unattended as it is not designed to completely restrain them, and may not prevent release if there is vigorous movement. I am sure you are probably second guessing me right now, so go ahead and go get your Bumbo...i'll wait :) FACT!. Pay close attention to the other warning that states to not place it on anything but the floor (do not place on a raised surface) and with adult supervision at all times. Bumbo's fix? Sending out a safety restraint and instructions on how to use the Bumbo properly. What is a 

restraint going to do?!? Not a lot in my opinion. Then again, considering the instructions are printed ON the Bumbo, who is to say sending instructions will do any good e

ither? Let's face the facts here people... it is a voluntary recall, which means someone got pissed that they made a mistake and decided to take it out on the poor manufacturer for their error in judgment. Again, eople make mistakes, we all do, but recognize your error and learn from it... if you chose to not read the warnings or simply ignore them....don't be surprised at your not-so-happy-ending results. Bottom line: Watch your kid- it's not intended to be a babysitting device. Unable to give your child your full attention? ( I know we can't watch them 24/7, and it takes all of 2 seconds for things to happen) don't put them in the Bumbo, chose a swing or a mat on the floor. This ranks up there with people who use blow dryers in a bathtub, and place hot coffee between their legs. Placing a weeble wobble in a bumbo on a counter or by themselves ranks right up there...SURPRISE.... "uhhh....what'd you think was gonna happen???"! <Exit soap box>

Disclaimer!!

Dear readers (if such a thing exists!)
Im not claiming to know everything, or even anything for that matter. I'm pretty sure my brain function disappeared after I spent 40 weeks donating those brain cells to my daughter. This is simply a place for me to share my thoughts, opinions, and whatever I want to on my experiences in mommy hood. I typically am pretty quick witted and am Somewhat opinionated (if you get offended, don't bother telling me...I will however embrace others opinions). I rant (hence the name) and if it seems random, it's because you probably weren't a part of the 5 minute long conversation I just had with myself in my head. :) I live thru my iPhone. We ALL know how fun auto correct is, so if it doesn't make sense..that's why, even if it isn't technologies fault- that's my story and I'm sticking to it! I'm sarcastic, opinionated and am awful about keeping up with things...life happens! We will see how this goes, but it's always nice to have an outlet- especially being a Mom. Stay tuned for more rants...