The Thunder Down Under

Everybody knows their child (or we like to think we have googled their instruction manual and bookmarked it for future references) the fact is- sometimes, you just have to expect the unexpected. I've come to realize a few things over the last few days... My first realization: there IS a downside to the oh-so-wonderful nursing cover (or hooter hider, apron, blanket with a neck strap...or whatever you call it) they are great and come in super handy. Back in the day moms were shunned to rooms by them self or bathrooms for however long it took to feed their child. Now, you have this glorious cover that allows you to not be alienated for what seems like an eternity. (we all love our little ones, but when ya spend all day with them, and they eat every 3-4 hours, you NEED all the adult interaction you can get!) now with the cover, you can feed your child practically anywhere. I have found a few downsides to them...3 things make it awkward. 1. When it's time to switch sides and they need to burp in between. You're left with trying to fumble with your nursing bra clasp, pulling up your shirt, while trying to stay covered (all one handed while racing to grab the burp cloth, because if you're not fast enough, you will be wearing your babies lunch!) Now, practice makes perfect...it's becomes easier the more you do it, but then the curve balls start coming! This brings me to my next point. 2. Now that you have the one handed juggling act down, your child has discovered his/her hands. While they are feeding, they take the liberty of running their hands over every single inch that is within their reach- guess what this includes?!? Yep! Your nursing cover... Now you're trying to play defense against your CHILD exposing you (yes peek-a-boo is cute, but I'm preeeeeeetty sure the world doesn't need to see what mama's workin' with!) It's like trying to wrestle a mini ninja whose mission is to expose you by any means necessary. One of which is my last point. 3. GAS! You know, those cute little "toots" that make us smile because our babies are adorable?!? Yeeeeah. I can honestly say until recently, I've never been "Dutch ovened" or anything vaguely resembling it. Think about it...you have a cover, that has a gap up top in order to see your child. My daughter has the woooorst gas ever..( "oh myyyy gosh! Was that her?!?"..."YEP!"). I swear she is her father's child (Ladies don't do that! ;) ) ......and how is it something SO cute and only drinks milk can produce something SO horrendous?!? I mean...that crap can clear a room (yeeeeah, couldn't help myself- pun definitely intended) :) the worst part is when you are nursing, that wafts right up thru that gap and it's like your child waits until this point just to laugh at your expense...you think they're smiling because they have gas- fact! But wait...there's more! Thats only a half-truth. They're really smiling because they have gas, it's gonna smell like big foot ate a rotten trash can and pooped it out, and not only can they get away with it...but people actually think its cute! Heck, I'd smile too! Next time I need to pass gas, I'm just gonna blame it on my kid! Why not? No bellyache, and it's WAY less embarrassing! :) ha! Okay, okay, okay. Maaaaybe not...but you know that thought has crossed your mind (I can totally see that smile!) maybe passing gas should be more acceptable in public. It's loud, can be dangerous (this one applies to men and their shart comings...haha, sorry, couldn't help myself again) and people are scared (well of the repercussions of getting caught) Just like spit, shi...err toots happen! :)*GASp* it's gonna happen inside a nursing cover or not. As long as its not strong enough to blow off the nursing cover to expose-a zee boo-bee I believe that is all and no #4 is necessary! Until then (hopefully not) enjoy life's little blessings! (I'm talking about your kid, not gas- get that crap outta your head--MAN, it's too easy... this post is just too punny I can't contain myself!) :)