Not So Fast Food!

After a loooooooooooooooooo*breath*oooooooooooooooong day :), you know...the one full of non-stop working, entertaining, cooking, cleaning, laundry, singing, bouncing, dancing backwards in high heels while juggling a million things (one of which is a baby) you don't have enough fingers or toes..let alone arms and legs to accomplish everything life throws at you.(yes I know,longest.sentence.ever.) After the go-go-go you just want to sit down and enjoy a hot meal.(if you are like me, this means cook it, clean the kitchen, help get your husband And child situated, then back to the kitchen to make a plate) I can already see that smirk, so scratch the hot and replace it with maybe sorta kinda still warm. You nuke your food (don't worry, it's gonna get fun here in a sec) go sit down and BAM! It's like your child is Haley Joel Osmond (yes, I'm referring to that kid who sees dead people in 6th sense) and KNOWS you have food, so they start to fuss, but not just any fuss...like a loud thunderstorm meets running over the family dog and bubble guppies was cancelled, plus she feels like she may have found the bubble guppies living inside her intestines and WANTS THEM OUT....kinda crying (sorry, lil intense I know)...So you set your stuff down and soothe her. By the time she is calm, you go nuke your now sub zero food yet again...guess what?!? Ding ding ding- round two! Lather, rinse, repeat! Here we go again. (I could keep going, but I imagine you get the point!) :)How do they know?!?! It's crazy!! All I want to do is enjoy dinner with my husband while it's hot. Is that too much to ask?!? Bottom line is this: your clothes don't fit, you lose all your hair (or it sure feels like it) and cold becomes the new hot. Whats next?!?(wait a sec...pretend I didn't just ask that!) Besides, who invented this hot and cold business...and why did they decide hot food needed to exist?!? Okay okay, maybe thats a bit extreme but It makes things more difficult (I [used to] love my food piping hot) now I enjoy it cold or re-re-re-reheated (and no, I do not stutter :) ) Here's my solution: Someone needs to create a microwave that reheats food without losing moisture or overcooking it. Then Moms everywhere could enjoy a long overdue HOT meal! First one to create one gets a sticker or a cookie (I just might even re-re-re-reheat it for ya! ;) ) Just food for thought. (yeeeep, couldn't help myself...pun intended!) :)

The Hairy Aftermath of Pregnancy

When you first find out you're pregnant, you look forward to a few things: that "glow" that everyone always talks about, the ability to eat what you want (not eating for two, but you don't feel guilty when you decide to go back for seconds :)) the absence of that pesky friend we are so used seeing once a month(yeah, enjoy your temporary vacation Flo- your services are temporarily suspended) and the fact your hair will grow and look amazing(long, strong, shiny- if only we could hire someone to walk in front of us with a fan- it looks THAT good)! Boy did I NOT miss the hair all over my floor and in my drain. I went from washing my hair twice a week to only once!(no, I'm not a hippie tree hugger extremist who refuses to shower- I just don't need to wash it that often! I know I know- cue jealousy)
The fact of the matter is, after pregnancy, you are gonna lose all that hair, that hung on for dear life, faster than you can say supercalafradulisticexpialadocious . (yeeeeah, that word it MUCH easier to attempt to say than attempt to spell- and I use the term attempt loosely...that's a hard word and I didn't feel like googling it!)
When I brush my hair- it looks like I am a giant hair murderer with the victims lying all over the floor. The worst part is I find my hair all over my little girl (neck, hands, toes, etc)- and she's shedding as bad as I am! We are a HOT MESS!!!! I keep thinking I'm going to go bald, and the picture I have here is JUST from when I showered this morning and washed my hair...if Barbies needed wigs- I'm pretty sure I could supply them on a regular basis. They say duct tape fixes everything....and to rub a little tussin on it. At this stage in the game, I don't know that I'm ruling anything out. The other thing that worries Me is this: I like to think each hair has 9 lives. Once it's fallen out so many times, the color goes on strike and therefore grows in grey. What if this is the 9th life fir those hairs and all of this hair comes in grey?!?! Ahhhhhh!!! I have enough as is and don't need any help thank-you-very-much! I might need to invest in nice and easy stock at this rate!
The bottom line is this: whatever disappears during pregnancy, rears it's ugly head and then some once it's done. So embrace your lovely locks,while those hormones are still in full force...and if I need a hair transplant, I'll make sure to let you know where to send the donations. (Of money, not hair- that'd be a little weird, and creepy.) Have a hairy great (yep I just went there...you know how I roll) and happy day, full of great hair! (I'll keep my fingers crossed I keep my hair in my head-well have a good talk, Ill lay down the law and work things out) I'm over this hairy situation (and typing) !!! :) Now where's the duct tape and tussin?!? :)

The inconvenience of convenience stores

With as lazy as people have become nowadays (I'm not excluding myself here) you would think all convenient stores would offer a drive thru! I mean, think about it...you can get fast food, sodas, coffee, doughnuts and prescriptions through a drive thru, why not go just a liiiiiiiiitttle bit further and offer things sold at gas stations and convenient stores through a drive-thru. I know they exist, but it should be standard!!! I don't know about anyone else, but having a kid makes you think twice about evvvvvverything! Do I really want that QT coffee and a snickers bar? Hmmm...balancing hot coffee, doughnuts, a snickers bar, cheetoes, soda, doughnut holes (you KNOW just as well as I do the convenient store is the same as the grocery store or Walmart...you always come out with more than you went in for!) gum, juice AND all while carrying a kid! Yeah...Im not a circus performer...I don't have a red nose, or a beard, and juggling is definitely not something I do well (clean up on aisle 5!) it gets even more interesting with me getting beer for the guys. The other day I stopped to get beer for my husband and his friend. In my head I thought, if only it was legal to leave her in the car (...before you start judging, I have remote start and I would lock my car!) :) we all know the world is full of crazies, and they ruin the simple life for everyone!!! I haul in my 30lbs of baby (16lbs plus the carseat) go get two 12 packs and stand at the back of the line (all men btw) who proceed to not only look at me but no one and I mean noooooo ooonnnnnne offers to let me go ahead of them. Instead the gentleman in front of me looks at me and asks: "long day?"(insinuating I needed a day of drunken debauchery based on my arm[not just hand]fulls) :) now those who know me (or my husband) knows we live for opportunities like this....so I respond with a big smile on my face: "Nope, she told me she was thirsty!" He looked at me like I was serious. SMH :) when did people lose their sense of humor when other people come back with quick witted responses.(I may be a girl and blonde...well kind of...but I'll give it right back, sir!) I followed it up with letting the guy know I was the beer run person. I remarked about how I was the nice wife lugging everything, so he should be thankful. The guy simply agreed and then turned back around. Psssshhhhh, mmmkay...What ever happened to chivalry?! Bottom line is, having a small child (although it keeps my gas station food addiction at bay and shopping minimized) makes me want to write QT a well worded letter to suggest an option that could change our lives as moms as we know it!!! (and anybody who didn't feel like walking into the gas station) If you can go to school, go shopping and get food, all while in your pajamas...why not beer and candy bars?!? (and energy drinks too) Food for thought. (yep, you guessed right... pun intended)

Mosquit-oh-no!

I find myself wondering why some things exist in this world. (Bad breath, spleens, Nap-free work days) What is the point? Last night I found myself wondering: what is the flipping point to mosquitoes? IS there really an upside to them? C'mon- the are tiny little blood sucking pests whose necessity to feed, makes people red, itchy and annoyed!!!! Spiders, as much as I LOATHE them, eat things like flies. So, I think twice before taking my old navy flip flop from my closet and ending their reign of terror (yeah...you heard me, reign.of. terror) OH, I think I forgot to mention, I do nooooot do bugs :) I sometimes feel like they go out of their way to taunt me...as if they are saying "we are here and when you go to sleep we will find you..we know where you sleep!" okay okay okay, that may border a TAD on the dramatic side, but you get my point! Now that we have that out of the way, we can move forward....get excited! :) Let's face it, when you have been bogged down with 100+ heat...we will even say 90+ heat, and you live in a place where farming is a way of life for some, Luke Bryan says it best: "Rain is a good thing." It is "My kind of party" (I know I know, country artist overkill, but I just couldn't pass up plugging 2 of my favorites) when the rain cools things off and gives crops that million dollar gulp they have been longing for... HOWEVER, I think those nasty little insects are party crashers, because BOY they sure show up uninvited every time. Then (as most moms can attest to) you are left with the inner struggle to cover your child as best as possible (even if you feel like you are creating a wittle bitty baby sauna), or to try and fend off mosquitoes with your cat-like speedy reflexes. I tell you what.. I covered my princess up last night and the ONLY body part out was her sweet little face (I am not biased at all) and one hand, which was up by her sweet little face. Now I like to think I channel a super stealth ninja when it comes to protecting my daughter, but have learned that perhaps that ninja may just be a middle aged woman :) (Yuck! I think I just threw up a little in my mouth even typing that realization about myself..middle aged....SMH!) I leave our friends house simply thinking my daughter had laid down on my zipper from my jacket since she had some red marks on her face and felt pretty bad- I'm not gonna lie. . I get her home to give her a bath, and of course she doesn't care- she's just happy, eating her hands and yelling at herself (yep...yelling, she has not only found her voice, but located the volume button and is testing those bad boy lungs out!) but I notice those few red spots, are still there. UGH! mosquito bites...on her face and hand. Not to mention I have about 36753652 bites(as my Memaw says: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times....don't exaggerate!") on my arms and hands. So not only am I red and itchy, but it looks like I have some sort of flesh eating disease that I have contracted and given my poor 3 month old daughter. Good thing kids are resilient. She is unscathed and smiley as ever, and in that moment she melts my heart and I forget about EVIL MOSQUITOES. So...someone, anyone...what is it they contribute to our planet that makes them worthy of existing? This question is lost on me...So mosquitoes, consider this your warning. If you mess with my daughter again, using her face as your own personalized snack platter, be pre"pair"ed to meet my flip flops! (pun intended) :)

Clothing woes: Infants and Post Preggo Wardrobe Festivities

We all knows kids grow like weeds. In the beginning, you buy clothes about as often as you do groceries. It seems like your child too often outgrows their size in clothing before your milk has even reached its expiration date! My little Princess is about to be 4 months old, and I have decided that infant clothing sizes are ridic!!! When you think about it: if you say "My 4 month old is in 6 mos clothing", your reaction is "Wow! He/she is so big!" or "What a chunker." You then are faced with the inner struggle of "Did they just call my baby fat?" (even though you call them various versions of "chunky" all the time) versus "Heck yeah, My kid's a good eater, and is growing like a champ!" (you provide for your child, and its like 2 guys at the gym trying to see who can put on the most healthy weight). Clothing designers try to make more versatile and relevant clothing: EX: 0-3 mos or 3-6 mos clothing...which works to an extent, but in all reality most are labeled like women's clothing (in increments), they aren't always 3 mos/6 mos/9 mos etc, and what other option is there?!? LOL Therefore I have decided that infants' clothes sizing is like an expiration date...good up until the month on the tag. They should just put max length and weight on tags instead. Pounds x Inches (16W x 26L). Also, what genius decided bathing suits in popular department stores don't need snaps??? They OBVIOUSLY have never tried to get a wiggly baby out of a wet 1 piece bathing suit. I think I should just design my own infant clothing line with my solutions! :) enough about the little ones- even though they are where our shopping fund goes to these days. Every once in awhile, us moms like to look nice (which means take a shower, shave our legs, wear a shirt without spit up on it and put on clothing without an elastic waistband)...this brings me to my next rant..well...within a rant :)
Moms- "It took you 40 weeks to grow that belly, and its common knowledge that it does not disappear when the baby pops out!" We have ALL heard this (as much as we hope to defy the odds and prove everyone wrong). You are left with a work in progress and a weird in-between stage as far as clothing is concerned. SO.... My biggest complaint- finding clothes to wear post pregnancy. I KNOW you can wear maternity clothes (and believe me, I took full advantage of this- especially since I had a C-Section) but when you breastfeed, you tend to lose weight a little quicker. This unfortunately leaves you at that awkward stage where you don't fit into your old clothing, but maternity clothing fits you weird too. I still indulge and wear my maternity pants- the full panel helps with all of that "please excuse my mess-renovation in progress" going on, but your "girlish figure" is lost in the process. My husband made the comment that I "lost my butt". Hormone changes? Insecurity? Not sure why it bothered me as much as it did, but I felt almost offended that he would say such a thing! The truth: when you don't have a big ole belly, the fabric doesn't stretch and you are left with saggy butt material syndrome (yes, I made that up...we are rolling with it though). This brings me to my point- why can't someone make "in-between" clothing...For moms AND infants? There needs to be pants that accommodate the aftermath of bearing a child, without the "maternity" label. Every mom wants to get back into their old clothes, but trying stuff on after such a dramatic change is discouraging. So....
Let's start a clothing line for all of those "in-betweeners"...whatdya say?!? :) Okay...maybe in my dreams, but seriously...there's a market for something like that!! If you make it happen, I will only charge you a SMALL finders fee ;)

Bumbo Recall...

You gotta love baby gear... I mean, you look at some of the stuff they have out now and think "Dang! If only I would've thought of that!" Granted- sometimes there are kinks to need to be worked out of a product..but at what point do you realize that perhaps it's not the product, but the operator the kinks need to be worked out of?!?! Now to my point :) --> This whole Bumbo recall thing is ridic! There are warnings printed all over the gosh darn thing TELLING YOU IN CAPITAL LETTERS- do NOT leave your child unattended as it is not designed to completely restrain them, and may not prevent release if there is vigorous movement. I am sure you are probably second guessing me right now, so go ahead and go get your Bumbo...i'll wait :) FACT!. Pay close attention to the other warning that states to not place it on anything but the floor (do not place on a raised surface) and with adult supervision at all times. Bumbo's fix? Sending out a safety restraint and instructions on how to use the Bumbo properly. What is a 

restraint going to do?!? Not a lot in my opinion. Then again, considering the instructions are printed ON the Bumbo, who is to say sending instructions will do any good e

ither? Let's face the facts here people... it is a voluntary recall, which means someone got pissed that they made a mistake and decided to take it out on the poor manufacturer for their error in judgment. Again, eople make mistakes, we all do, but recognize your error and learn from it... if you chose to not read the warnings or simply ignore them....don't be surprised at your not-so-happy-ending results. Bottom line: Watch your kid- it's not intended to be a babysitting device. Unable to give your child your full attention? ( I know we can't watch them 24/7, and it takes all of 2 seconds for things to happen) don't put them in the Bumbo, chose a swing or a mat on the floor. This ranks up there with people who use blow dryers in a bathtub, and place hot coffee between their legs. Placing a weeble wobble in a bumbo on a counter or by themselves ranks right up there...SURPRISE.... "uhhh....what'd you think was gonna happen???"! <Exit soap box>

Disclaimer!!

Dear readers (if such a thing exists!)
Im not claiming to know everything, or even anything for that matter. I'm pretty sure my brain function disappeared after I spent 40 weeks donating those brain cells to my daughter. This is simply a place for me to share my thoughts, opinions, and whatever I want to on my experiences in mommy hood. I typically am pretty quick witted and am Somewhat opinionated (if you get offended, don't bother telling me...I will however embrace others opinions). I rant (hence the name) and if it seems random, it's because you probably weren't a part of the 5 minute long conversation I just had with myself in my head. :) I live thru my iPhone. We ALL know how fun auto correct is, so if it doesn't make sense..that's why, even if it isn't technologies fault- that's my story and I'm sticking to it! I'm sarcastic, opinionated and am awful about keeping up with things...life happens! We will see how this goes, but it's always nice to have an outlet- especially being a Mom. Stay tuned for more rants...