Whoomp there it....went

Soooo it's been awhile and it's time to brush off the cob webs on this damn thing ( I think about posting all the time, but I usually only have my iPhone and with an 8 month old- one thumb typing loses!) it's been a helluva year filled with all sorts of craziness. Baby showers, squeezing a 9lb 4 oz child almost all the way out, and then have her dislodged from my pelvis via c section, a ton of firsts, engagements, weddings... I mean, SO much. We moved into our new house (which brings its own blog I swear!) battled our first ear infections (yup- plural and in this case it was not double the fun!) teething (we have top and bottom front 2 in, top right eye tooth is thru and just waiting in the other- patiently...while pulling out my hair that is :) ) she doesn't crawl yet, but has decided that standing and trying to pull up as well as rolling like a log all over gods creation is more fun- ehhhhh what can ya do?!?! (Take 4564235753 pictures of course) I've also taken on a small hobby of photography. I wish I knew more but it's a work in progress. I've come to be a lot more laid back. Whether it be the toddlers who have yet to learn "gentle" to her partner in crime trying to take her down MMA style, and solid food (we definitely have our faves and the faces we shall not capture for fear of a broken camera) and learning sharing. She experienced her first snow, met Santa Claus and loves eating oyster crackers and drinking from her sippy cup! She also has been sleeping in her own room since we moved. Here's the thing. Anytime anyone stats over, I feel like I HAVE to calm her down if she wakes up in the middle if the night ( and trust me, with teething- it's definitely not hypothetical) the problem is she's smaaaaaaart and her only word is "dadadada" which if course tugs my husbands heart strings (I of course unleash my inner diva and tell him to not get that baby outta her crib unless he wants to put her back to sleep too *insert z snap*) she also will fake laugh at him. Daddy's girl 100%. Anyways- it's late and there's too much to touch on- but I WILL get better. 2012 had far too many memories and stories not to share!

Wiggles and giggles

So...I know it's been awhile, and NO it's not because I've become famous for my outrageous witty rants and have decided to create a best-seller ;) (one could wish though, right?!?) the truth is...Brad and I are new homeowners! We close on our first home in less than 2 weeks. So, needless to say, we have been packing away....And leeeeet me tell you what, There's nothing harder than having to get an entire house packed up (since my husband travels for 95% of his job) while trying to keep a 5 month old, going on 2 year old, busy! She has been sitting since before she was 5 mos, but now does it all the time. In fact, I don't know how that sweet baby doesn't have a dang six pack! She practically does V sit-ups (for those of you who are trying to picture this- legs are straight out and raised off the ground, as is your head and shoulders....you're trying it right now, aren't you?!? ;) ) She is determined to go from laying to sitting up!!! She'll lean backwards over her boppy (my auto correct keeps trying to change that word to nippy! Ha it's MY nippy and she can't lean backwards over THAT) her head Will be touching the ground and then she's back up and leaning over sideways touching everything in her path! I use the boppy because I'm paranoid! she will face plant every so often when she's really trying to get something out of reach (we all do this, metaphorically or in my case more times than not..literally) :)
I know we discussed that lovely "wandering hand" when she nurses. It has now found my face. The newest place...UP my nose! (Don't worry, I told her about picking her friends and picking her nose, but not picking her friends nose....and the same applies to moms!!)
She talks non stop. Loves politics- she was glued for over 5 minutes to the vice presidential debate. She laughed at them too. Not sure whether it was Biden's teeth or Ryan's nose, but something was awfully funny to her! She does a fake cough and it will lead into a laugh. caugh? Lough? Its TOO cute.
We have almost conquered rolling from back to belly ( the girl loves cardboard and paper...Christmas just got a looooot cheaper :) ) those incentivize her. Sophie the giraffe (who the hell thought of using a squeaky toy as a teething aid?!? I bet they're sitting nice and comfy chillin somewhere laughing at all of us moms with their $20 dog toy marketed for babies!) she loves it though. Anything that makes noise including my mouth! I'm sure people think I'm insane or belong on the american idol out takes (you know the ones you watch, and laugh at..yeah, those!) she just loves music and when people talk to her. She'll talk back too (she doesn't want to be rude and let's not forget she's a girl...what girl doesn't like to talk?) I remember getting in trouble for it in grade school on a regular basis (once I hit 5th grade, it was putting on Chapstick too often..I guess my teacher felt soft lips didn't take precedence over algebra...she clearly didn't appreciate beauty!) Harper appreciates beauty though... she loves her bows (I just wish they didn't leave indentions!) She doesn't pull them out. She loves her color coordinated pacifiers (no i don't call it a passy, binky, nuk, or whatever else they can be called. They are just plain ole soothie pacifiers.) She chews on them like crazy (hello teething!) She is just learning and growing a mile a minute. The best thing is she studies every move I make for longer periods of time (I wish I was that patient...when someone tries to teach me something, I'm over it a minute later.) she will watch when I wave to her in a mirror and move her fingers like she's trying to figure it out. I know every mom says it, but I have the cutest lil 5 month old little girl, I swear!!! Even though I have to resort to ridiculous tactics to make her smile...her wiggles and giggles make it worth it!!! :) I will look crazy (willingly) any day, just to see that gummy little toothless (hopefully not for long) grin! :)

My real life Broadway- Pitch? Please!

Well the party has started...hello teething! Some days I wish my life were more like a broadway musical (you have an issue or problem and all of a sudden out of nowhere everyone around you breaks into song and dance and by the end that magical life changing epiphany has arrived changing the plot for the better so they all live happily ever after)Just replace the catchy song about love or life into some vague resemblance of jibberish about, well, nothing except momentary child entertainment. Oh, and substitute the perfectly "dressed-to-the-nine" (whatever that really means) leading lady with perfect hair and make up...with a spit up stained t shirt, a medusa reminiscent pony tail and yesterday's mascara complimenting those lovely circles becoming more apparent under your blood-shot eyes (okay, okay, okay- maybe that's a biiiiiit dramatic, but you should know this about me by now!). Don't get me wrong, I like to pretend that my rendition of twinkle twinkle little star would turn Blake Shelton and Adam Levines chair around :)...oops sorry, I got a bit distracted. A girl can dream, right?!? ;) now where was I?!? ahhhh yes, but really, there should be a broadway musical about parenthood! Funny stuff happens ALL the time. Just the other day I thought to myself (I know, a lot of crazy stuff goes on up there!) "geeez, I'm glad we don't have a nanny cam otherwise my husband might put me on the midnight train to the looney bin." The things we do to keep our kids happy...I sing, dance, gurgle, jump, tickle...and sometimes all together. Granted my moves resemble a ridiculous broken down robot and my songs are made up versions of what we are doing.(I feel as though my best friend Chelsea may be the only one who really understands that is normal for me!) :)I grab my daughters arms and make her dance while singing lord knows what pops into my head. I also like to sit her in my lap when I'm watching whatever singing show is on (The Voice, Glee and The Sing Off are my all-time faves, but I legitimately watch them all!) and sit there acting as though I could do a better job at singing their song...I even get my Mariah Carey fingers going when I get my "runs" on! (Of course she loves this, and it gets better) I then take it a step further, and during commercials I will decide what hypothetical song I would sing and who I would choose if the judges turned around. My lovely daughter hears me sing AT LEAST 10 random songs during a show. Her favorite (I swear I'm not lying) was Cee Lo Green's "Forget You". Not only do I sing, but I make her dance interpretively (yep, mom of the year...right here!) :) she finds it hilarious (I realize at this point I am officially lost, and am waiting for my inner GPS to recalculate my route to get me back on track to where I was originally going with this...I blame Blake and Adam!) oh yeah..broadway. So, life is a lot easier when it takes place on a stage, with people who dress you and do your hair/makeup without you lifting a finger. It's full of music and a plot that almost never ends badly for the main character. Im going to go to New York and pitch my idea...I'll even let them use my blog name as the title (for a small fortune of course- mama needs some new clothes- refer to my earlier blog!) :) teething has led me to bust out my inner crazy,we will have a chat about my public instances in another rant. Right now, my daughter thinks i have the voice that has that X factor and could sing off with glee at any point in time to be an American idol! (BAM- oh yeah that just happened!) she would turn her chair
around, buy a broadway ticket, promote my playbill because let's face it...I AM her idol and even if I have pitch problems or horrendous choreography, in her eyes it's the BEST! I will take looking and sounding ridiculous for that ANY day. For real...Pitch? Please! :)

Lease (with NO option) to own!

So...we all know that "breast feeding is supposed to help you lose weight." I don't know how much of that I buy. I breast feed, my friend pumped and quickly switched to formula because her milk went away--we both lost all of our pregnancy weight and then some (okay okay, that may have been bragging sllllllightly-my bad!) we got lucky- I am very aware. The downside to my boob feeding tubes involve my having to eliminate dairy. Now THAT is why I believe I have lost weight...I can't eat anything fun anymore! No Ice cream or butter or cheese or milk- zeeeeeeero fun! (easy there tiger- it sucks, but its totally worth it.) The upside to my milk jugs- is just that...they're jugs, not sippy cups! ( I know, clever!) I can honestly say I went from maaaaybe on a good day- barely a B to a full D. I look at myself in the mirror and think ahhhh so THIS is what I would look like If I really had boobs! I stand up a little taller, feel comfortable wearing bras without padding- its like I'm a new woman! My husband definitely doesn't mind( minus my "look but don't touch" policy.) i feel like things fit better. I know they say 80% of women don't wear the correct size. It took Harper spitting up inside my nursing bra (yep! Disgustingly true) and the lady I babysit for (works for Wacoal) to make me go get measured. So for the next however many months I am blessed with the ability to nurse- my girls will be relaxing in their Nice comfy new 36D home. They have been upgraded (it's about time- sorry ladies) from the old B of a home. Its kinda like trying to squeeze your post preggo body into your Pre-preggo clothes. You may be able to get it on, but the overflow is gonna look trashier than Here Comes Honey Boo Boo ( dont get me wrong- I watch the show AND enjoy it...don't ask me why though!) :) What it boils down to is I am gonna enjoy these puppies while I got Em! Gotta love the perks (you betcher aunt fanny, pun intended- these girls are staying north!) of nursing. :)

Goodnight. Sleep light!

So as a new mom, I look forward to adult time.(as I tell my husband while I proceed to talk his ear off-- I talk to a 4 mos old all day...momma needs some big girl time!) this will typically happen once she goes to bed. She used to go to bed about 11:30 (I'm a night owl, and a a stay at home mom, so what do I care?) YES I would allow her to be up that late- (any judgmental people can try convincing her 7 is the new 11:30!) now for the last few weeks I've been able to put her to bed earlier, we have our routine. Bath, sing/story, nurse/rock, up to bed and if she's not already asleep, she falls asleep shortly after. DUN DUN DUN *and the plot thickens* She has GOT to be the lightest sleeper ever! Well...to an extent. For instance...she experienced Sunday Funday in full effect today while napping... there was screaming, arguing, cheering and smack talking (louder than a group of 12 year old girls at a Justin Bieber concert) She was not phased OooOooOoone bit! But boy oh boy, the moment someone cracked a beer- her eyes SHOT open. (they quickly closed) so this means 1 of 2 things: 1. My daughter is going to drink like a fish or 2. She's used to loud voices since she's been hearing them plus the TV since she was in the womb. Im hoping for the latter. The other thing that made her stir? The foot rest being put down in a recliner! SMH Gotta love the fact that she could sleep through a tornado, but pop a top and you've made yourself a lap partner until the next milk coma! I typically turn On noise machines, but sometimes you can't control everything (altho I'm DESTINED to prove this theory wrong....and I'm gonna do it! If you don't believe me, just ask me!) ;) OH and who is it who decided that babies should nap 1-2 times at her age from 1-3 hours?!? My child takes power naps. 15 mins here, 30 mins there. She may go to bed at 9pm NOW but still wakes up aaaaaat least 2-3 times to eat. By 6 months- the baby whisperers (I say this bc no one lives this dream- and if you do, you deserve this title!) claims that they should be sleeping 12 hours straight. What? Will my child magically wake up one morning and decide that she needs more beauty rest?!? Those online charts and "I know best" information is enough to drive a new mom maaaaaad! Just because your child doesn't fit their "cookie cutter" age chart, doesn't mean there is anything wrong (every kid is different- and If they weren't: trying to pick your child out of a crowd might be slightly awkward)! So whatever you do- even if you are sleep deprived and in desperate need of a permanent coffee IV...please don't Google things! Your child is not having night terrors (I doubt labor was THAT traumatic), they do not have any sort of disease or condition that causes sleeplessness and more than likely, it's just a phase! As a mom it's our job to worry, but know more times than not...they will be OK! :) If not, just sleep with one eye open at all times-new moms kinda live like zombies (minus the whole addicted to bath salts and eat someone's face thing) we like bath salts in our hot water after a long day and when we say "your cheeks are so cute, I just wanna eat you up"yeah... Totally not the bath salts talking, and we don't mean literally eat them up. Okay, kinda got off topic there but I know you're still with me (and probably thinking..."yeah...I guess she's right, sleeping...eating faces...uhhhhh") this brings me to my last and final point- its hard to understand how hard it is to be needed 24/7. It's almost like you never really fall asleep- so those 3-4 hours of straight uninterrupted sleep you got, feel more like 2- cuz at any point in time, your child could make a sound. If they do, I would be willing to put money (and I DO NOT bet!) you would wake up in a split second, fumble for your superwoman cape and use your go-go gadget arms to take care of business! As a matter of fact, I'm totally there- until next time-goodnight and sleep light (yeah yeah yeah- I don't even need to say it--it's like you know me already) ;)

The Thunder Down Under

Everybody knows their child (or we like to think we have googled their instruction manual and bookmarked it for future references) the fact is- sometimes, you just have to expect the unexpected. I've come to realize a few things over the last few days... My first realization: there IS a downside to the oh-so-wonderful nursing cover (or hooter hider, apron, blanket with a neck strap...or whatever you call it) they are great and come in super handy. Back in the day moms were shunned to rooms by them self or bathrooms for however long it took to feed their child. Now, you have this glorious cover that allows you to not be alienated for what seems like an eternity. (we all love our little ones, but when ya spend all day with them, and they eat every 3-4 hours, you NEED all the adult interaction you can get!) now with the cover, you can feed your child practically anywhere. I have found a few downsides to them...3 things make it awkward. 1. When it's time to switch sides and they need to burp in between. You're left with trying to fumble with your nursing bra clasp, pulling up your shirt, while trying to stay covered (all one handed while racing to grab the burp cloth, because if you're not fast enough, you will be wearing your babies lunch!) Now, practice makes perfect...it's becomes easier the more you do it, but then the curve balls start coming! This brings me to my next point. 2. Now that you have the one handed juggling act down, your child has discovered his/her hands. While they are feeding, they take the liberty of running their hands over every single inch that is within their reach- guess what this includes?!? Yep! Your nursing cover... Now you're trying to play defense against your CHILD exposing you (yes peek-a-boo is cute, but I'm preeeeeeetty sure the world doesn't need to see what mama's workin' with!) It's like trying to wrestle a mini ninja whose mission is to expose you by any means necessary. One of which is my last point. 3. GAS! You know, those cute little "toots" that make us smile because our babies are adorable?!? Yeeeeah. I can honestly say until recently, I've never been "Dutch ovened" or anything vaguely resembling it. Think about it...you have a cover, that has a gap up top in order to see your child. My daughter has the woooorst gas ever..( "oh myyyy gosh! Was that her?!?"..."YEP!"). I swear she is her father's child (Ladies don't do that! ;) ) ......and how is it something SO cute and only drinks milk can produce something SO horrendous?!? I mean...that crap can clear a room (yeeeeah, couldn't help myself- pun definitely intended) :) the worst part is when you are nursing, that wafts right up thru that gap and it's like your child waits until this point just to laugh at your expense...you think they're smiling because they have gas- fact! But wait...there's more! Thats only a half-truth. They're really smiling because they have gas, it's gonna smell like big foot ate a rotten trash can and pooped it out, and not only can they get away with it...but people actually think its cute! Heck, I'd smile too! Next time I need to pass gas, I'm just gonna blame it on my kid! Why not? No bellyache, and it's WAY less embarrassing! :) ha! Okay, okay, okay. Maaaaybe not...but you know that thought has crossed your mind (I can totally see that smile!) maybe passing gas should be more acceptable in public. It's loud, can be dangerous (this one applies to men and their shart comings...haha, sorry, couldn't help myself again) and people are scared (well of the repercussions of getting caught) Just like spit, shi...err toots happen! :)*GASp* it's gonna happen inside a nursing cover or not. As long as its not strong enough to blow off the nursing cover to expose-a zee boo-bee I believe that is all and no #4 is necessary! Until then (hopefully not) enjoy life's little blessings! (I'm talking about your kid, not gas- get that crap outta your head--MAN, it's too easy... this post is just too punny I can't contain myself!) :)

All the early bird gets...is sleep deprivation!

We all remember those Pre-kids/responsibility/obligation days...you know, the ones where you can stay up until 2am, go to sleep with your makeup on, then get up 5 hours later, drink a redbull and do it all over again?(looking like a million bucks, because 2 hours on hair and makeup is totally necessary!) Now, I stay up until12:30, wake up at 6, roll outta bed with spit up, behead, bags under my eyes and the patience of a two year old! If you were a fly on my wall, I might be mistaken for a zombie (minus the bath salt addiction and face eating of course). Getting older is hard! I don't have the time to spend doing my hair and makeup the way I used to... And even if i dress up, thats when they get you good with the spit up (or if you've done your hair and its down/in the line if fire...it's inevitable)! It's even harder when you have friends who don't understand what it's like to have to Go-go-go all the time, and how your priority now does not exist in the bottom of a shiny metal can with blue mountains, but in the smiley face looking up at you. (and I'm not talking about anyone in particular, I'm just watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager) I have NO idea how mothers to young children can go party all the time, or have SO much energy (and I'm sure you are thinking of certain people right now...it's okay, there's no judgement here.) :) heck, I made it to12:45 and was looking for my trophy on the back of my eyelids (yes, that was indeed a cheesy reference to dozing off). What happened is this...about the time responsibility entered stage left, partying exited stage right. I don't feel the need to drink to get naked wasted face, or get belligerently drunk..why?!? Because when it's all said and done, that adorable little face you've come to know and love that just melts your heart a million degrees into Sunday- will not only be needing you, but you can bet your bottom dollar that is the day they will wake up earlier than they normally do, be crankier than they've ever been, or talk louder than they've ever talked! With this said- I'm operating on 5 hours of sleep due to"attempting" to play beer pong and "a-hole" with a group of friends last night. I was never drunk, or even buzzing. Let's just say I spent more time with my fellow new mommy, Tori and our little girls playing slumber party (they obviously did not get the memo you sleep at the same time at them) than playing with our friends and husbands. The best realization?!?! You can be a mommy WITH party pants. They just might be a little bigger and a helluva lot more flexible....cuz spit happens!!! ;)